10 Bar Jokes

 01. The Bartender's Revenge

A man walked into a bar and ordered a drink. As the bartender was pouring it, he noticed a fly in the man's drink. The bartender said, "Hey, there's a fly in your drink." The man replied, "So what? It's just a little extra protein." The bartender said, "Okay," and poured the drink anyway. As the man was drinking it, the bartender said, "You know, we have a special on drinks today. Buy one, get one fly."

02. The Drunken Bet

One night at the bar, I made a bet with my friend that I could drink ten shots of tequila without passing out. I downed the first shot and immediately regretted it. By the time I got to the third shot, I was already stumbling. "I think I might have underestimated this," I slurred. My friend laughed and said, "You think?"

03. The One-Legged Man

A one-legged man walked into a bar and ordered a drink. The bartender asked him, "Hey, how did you lose your leg?" The man replied, "I lost it fighting for my country." The bartender said, "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. What branch of the military were you in?" The man replied, "I wasn't in the military. I was fighting my ex-wife in divorce court."

04. The Talking Dog

A talking dog walked into a bar and said, "Hey, bartender, give me a beer." The bartender was amazed and asked, "Can you really talk?" The dog replied, "Yeah, I can talk. Can I have my beer now?" The bartender gave the dog a beer, and he drank it down. As the dog was leaving, the bartender said, "That's amazing. You should be in the circus." The dog replied, "Why? Do they need a bartender?"

05. The Last Call

The bartender announced last call, and all the patrons groaned. I turned to my friend and said, "I wish they would make an exception for us." He replied, "They might. You know what they say: 'Last call for alcohol, but never for friendship.'"

06. The Dancing Chicken

A man walked into a bar with a dancing chicken. The bartender asked, "What's up with the dancing chicken?" The man replied, "I bet my friend $100 that I could make his chicken dance." The bartender said, "Well, you won your bet. Here's your $100." The man replied, "Thanks, but I think I'll keep going. I've got a cow in the car."

07. The Irishman's Drink

An Irishman walked into a bar and ordered three beers. The bartender asked, "Why three?" The Irishman replied, "One for me and two for me mates." The next day, the Irishman came back and ordered two beers. The bartender asked, "What happened? Did one of your mates die?" The Irishman replied, "No, I gave up drinking for Lent."

08. The Talking Frog

A man walked into a bar with a talking frog. The bartender asked, "What's up with the talking frog?" The man replied, "I kissed a princess, and she turned into a frog. But then the frog turned into a princess and gave me this talking frog as a reward." The bartender said, "Wow, that's amazing. Can I try?" The man said, "Sure, but I don't know if you're a good kisser."

09. The Talking Parrot

A man walked into a bar with a talking parrot on his shoulder. The bartender asked, "What's up with the talking parrot?" The man replied, "He's a genius. He can answer any question you ask him." The bartender was skeptical and said, "Okay, let's see. What's the square root of 64?" The parrot replied, "Eight." The bartender was amazed and asked, "Wow, that's incredible. What else can he do?" The man replied, "Well, he can also sing 'Sweet Caroline'." The parrot then started singing, "Sweet Caroline, bah, bah, bah!"

10. The Sassy Bartender

I walked into a bar and ordered a drink. The bartender looked me up and down and said, "I'm sorry, sir. We don't serve drinks to minors." I replied, "What? I'm not a minor. I'm 30 years old." The bartender said, "Well, you look like you're 12." I was taken aback and asked, "What do you mean I look 12?" The bartender replied, "I mean you look like you just hit puberty." I left the bar feeling embarrassed and insulted.