10 Weight Loss Jokes

01. Five pounds 

I walked into a gym and saw a sign that said 'Lose five pounds in one week.' So, I asked the receptionist, 'How much does it cost?' She replied, 'Five pounds.'

02. My dreams 

I tried to lose weight by running after my dreams. But it turns out, my dreams were just too fast for me. 

03. Doctor Opinion 

I'm not saying I'm fat, but I did ask my doctor for a second opinion and he said "Yes, you are." 

04. How to Lose Weight 

I tried to lose weight by doing a juice cleanse, but all it did was make me so hungry that I ended up eating everything in sight. 

05. The Machine

I recently joined a gym and asked the trainer what machine I should use to impress the ladies. He said, "The ATM." 

06. My Emotions

I've decided to stop calling my bathroom scale a scale and start calling it a mood ring. It changes color based on my emotions. 

07. The Idea

I told my wife I was going on a diet, and she said, "Good idea, we need to eat more vegetables." I said, "Great, I'll have a pizza with extra peppers and onions." 

08. Why I'm Watching Netflix

My doctor told me to watch what I eat, so I started watching food documentaries on Netflix. 

09. How to Start Lifting Weights

My personal trainer told me to start lifting weights. So, I went to the fridge and lifted a slice of pizza to my mouth. 

10. My Spirit 

I tried to cut back on carbs, but then I realized that bread is my spirit animal.